Claire Hollander Something Right Behind Her (epu

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.I didn’t bother pointing it out though.I figured if grief was something they wanted, they should have it.Craig was really pretty nice and knew all about the MPC and all that, but he seemed more skeptical of those sorts of books than Randy was.“The thing is,” Craig said when I met with him, “you can use these catchphrases to help you think straight, but you can’t skip out on grief.It’s something you have to go through, and not just read about.” When I told Mom and Dad about him they said it was ok with them if I wanted to stop going to Randy and just see Craig.What did happen that gave me something to be thankful for and invested in is Carlos e-mailed me that he is coming back to the states in June.He decided to blow off going to hotel school at Cornell.Instead, he’s going to go to Columbia, so he’ll be right in the city, a train ride away.He said he is going to start taking classes this summer.My plan for the summer is to get a job down on the shore - something easy like selling ice cream or checking beach badges.Maybe Carlos will be able to come down and hang for a while.Mom and Dad said that would be fine with them.In the meantime, I have play practice and regular school days.I still wish sometimes I had a friend who was as easy to be around, as much fun and as trustworthy as Eve was.It seems like, at least temporarily, I have Mom and Dad and Milly on my side, and that will have to do.I have Carlos out there in the “hopes and dreams” category, but not like as in a dream-guy.Sometimes I look at his pics on Facebook and I think that is one goofy-looking guy, because, really, he has a very toothy smile.And his ears stick out.And, he’s pretty scrawny.He’s a good writer, though, and I’m not afraid to tell him what’s on my mind.Also, I know he likes to hold hands, or at least he held mine a lot that week in the D.R.And right now, I’d like someone just to walk around with, and maybe hold my hand.Sometimes, I still feel like all this stuff that happened over the last year is lurking out there - kind of just behind me - as if the past were, literally, hanging out there behind my back.Sometimes I get a little scared, like something bad is going to happen to me, or to someone I’m close to.I guess after something like that happens once, it’s pretty easy to think it will happen again.I guess that’s why there are all these books about how to deal with shit.Because there’s all these people out there, like me, who feel like there might be something lurking out there, making her feel just a bit unsteady, something she can’t see, but she can feel - something right behind her.At least, for now, I can be thankful there is nothing looming over me.And I no longer have dreams about Eve that scare me.In fact, when I think of her now, I can picture her as her old, beautiful self.She had a wide smile, with one small dimple on the right side that you had to know was there to see it.She had broad shoulders, and threw her head back whenever she laughed.She could eat half a pizza in a single sitting.She liked things that made her look too grown up, like red dresses, and silky pajamas, and her hair in a high bun.I told all these things to Craig, the grief counselor, when he asked me one time how I wanted to remember Eve.I also told him I wasn’t afraid I’d forget her.Then I asked Craig didn’t he think our memories of people became a part of who we were? And he said, even better, we can sometimes take them with us into who we will become.ACKNOWLEDGMENTSThanks to Alice Tasman at JVNLA for her constant support and early enthusiasm, to Daniel Hollander for his encouragement in all matters literary, to Writer’s Bloq for their innovative approach and amazing editorial input.ABOUT THE AUTHORClaire Hollander is a graduate of Brown’s MFA Program, a middle school teacher, and the author of two books of poetry.Her nonfiction has appeared in The New York Times Sunday Review.Something Right Behind Her is her first novel.She currently lives in New York City with her husband and three daughters.WRITER’S BLOQ, INC.Writer’s Bloq is a literary collective based in New York City.On Writer’s Bloq, writers can create a portfolio to share their work, grow their readership, and uncover opportunities including publication by the Collective Presse, our very own imprint where skilled writers we’ve published in the past lend their taste and expertise to help us discover talented writers to publish in the future [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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