Claire Allan The First Time I Sa

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.Not even the Lord himself would expect you to stay there – not when he was hurting you like that.”Molly reached up to her face, revealing her bruised hands.“He told me he would kill me,” she said softly.“That I was worth nothing to him and that he would kill me if I disobeyed him.I didn’t, Stella.I didn’t, I swear.”“I know,” Stella said, forcing the words from her mouth as the shock seeped into her pores.“I know.You will get over this.I promise.You will be back on your feet before you know it – back at the dances and smiling like you were.”Molly rolled over in bed again, facing the wall and pulled the blanket gingerly back over her face as if every movement sent a shockwave of pain through her body.The conversation was over and Stella sat for a moment before walking back down the stairs to the hopeful face of Mrs Davidson, who seemed to be waiting for a miracle.“I imagine it will take a bit of time,” Stella said, feeling strangely out of place talking to the older woman in this way.“Thanks, pet,” Mrs Davidson replied and Stella made her way back out onto the street not sure how she felt or why she had come in the first place.She walked along Carlisle Road and glanced up to where the flat was before pulling her coat more tightly around her against the cold and walking home.Dolores was helping with the washing when she arrived.“And where were you off to on this cold morning? You couldn’t have been sneaking off to see your fancy man since he is on the other side of the world.”“It doesn’t matter,” Stella said dejectedly, setting about helping with the work.“You’ve a terrible sour face on you,” Dolores teased.“But are you not going to ask me why I’ve such a smile on mine?”Stella looked at her sister, who was beaming from ear to ear, and felt relieved that the focus of the conversation was being shifted from her.“Well, why then?” she asked.“I’ve met someone,” Dolores said.“At the dance last night.Hugh Doherty his name is, and Stella, he’s lovely.”Smiling back and getting on with her work, Stella enjoyed listening to her sister’s tales if for no other reason than to distract her from her own thoughts.No good could come of them at all.Chapter 24Am I making it worse? All this time.I don’t know what else to do, Ray.I feel helpless – and hopeless and I just hope you will forgive me.* * *Derry, June 2010I woke to the shrill ring of my phone, although it took me a while to register what was going on.My head was still swimming just a little after the excesses of the night before even though I had been relatively sensible and had drunk the requisite pint of water before retiring for the night on Sam’s instructions.I wasn’t sure how long I had been asleep – I knew that it was light but as it was summer and the dawn started to crack shortly before five, that was no real indicator.My eyes and my brain still bleary, I reached for my cell and made several attempts to answer it, swiping my fingers – which appeared to be still asleep – across the screen and swearing under my breath.When it rang off, I slumped back on my pillow – focused on the screen and saw it was a missed call from Craig.A vague memory of the message I had sent him before I drifted off to sleep crept into my mind, but it didn’t make my heart sink.Looking at the time, I saw it had gone six.I had sent the message at two.He had taken four hours to call.It either meant, I reckoned, that he was so devastated by the news it had taken him four hours to compose himself enough to call me, or that he cared so little he had let it slide for a while.My bets were on the latter.Or somewhere in between.I didn’t regret sending the message – not one ounce.It had to be said and it had to be sent – and I felt, I dunno, even in my still semi-conscious state, relieved to have finally done it – to have pulled that Band-Aid off once and for all and exposed what had been so very rotten in the state of our relationship for so very long.I’d have to call him, of course.I couldn’t be that person who let it all just go after our years together with a text message, but in that moment there was a part of me which was enjoying believing that maybe, just maybe, he was suffering a little.Suffering just a little the way I had suffered.While I had never told him I knew about how he had cheated on me – how I had witnessed the cheating in front of my eyes – it had eaten away at me.At us.Each and every time he had tried to comfort me I had felt myself pull from his grasp, even if only mentally.The thought of him with her, in her – it made my stomach turn.I saw her once – in Walmart, as I was grocery shopping.I was pushing my cart along the aisles when I saw a wave of blonde hair in front of me and she turned to take something from the shelves.She looked like a nice person – not a stereotypical bit on the side.No short skirt and big boobs and high heels.Just a young woman, jeans and a T-shirt, a bright smile and a polite nod of the head towards me as she reached up past me to lift down a tin of beans.I wondered did she know who I was? Or did she care? God knows, we didn’t live in a big place and Bake My Day was a popular bakery.My picture was in my house – the house she had been in at least once [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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