Pease Allan Body Language. How To Read Others' Thoughts By Their Gestures

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.Here is a simple test that you can conduct at a restaurant which demonstrates how aperson will react to invasion of his territory.I recently took a salesman to lunch to offerhim a contract with our company.We sat at a small rectangular restaurant table whichwas too small to allow me to take the comer position so I was forced to sit in thecompetitive position.The usual dining items were on the table: ashtray, salt and pepper shakers, napkinsand a menu.I picked up the menu, read it, and then pushed it across into the other man sterritory.He picked it up, read it, and then placed it back in the centre of the table to hisright.I then picked it up again, read it, and placed it back in his territory.He had beenleaning forward at this point and this subtle invasion made him sit back.The ashtraywas in the middle of the table and, as I ashed my cigarette, I pushed it into his territory.He then ashed his own cigarette and pushed the ashtray back to the centre of the tableonce again.Again, quite casually, I ashed my cigarette and pushed the ashtray back tohis side.I then slowly pushed the sugar bowl from the middle to his side and he beganto show discomfort.Then I pushed the salt and pepper shakers across the centre line.Bythis time, he was squirming around in his seat as though he was sitting on an ant s nestand a light film of sweat began to form on his brow.When I pushed the napkins acrossto his side it was all too much and he excused himself and went to the toilet.On hisreturn, I also excused myself.When I returned to the table I found that all the tableitems had been pushed back to the centre line!This simple, effective game demonstrates the tremendous resistance that a personhas to the invasion of his territory.It should now be obvious why the competitiveseating arrangement should be avoided in any negotiation or discussion.There will be occasions on which it may be difficult or inappropriate to take thecorner position to present your case.Let us assume that you have a visual presentation;a book, quotation or sample to present to another person who is sitting behind arectangular desk.First, place the article on the table (Figure 155).The other person willlean forward and look at it, take it into his territory or push it back into your territory.If he leans forward to look at it, you must deliver your presentation from where yousit as this action non-verbally tells you that he does not want you on his side of the desk.If he takes it into his territory this gives you the opportunity to ask permission to enterhis territory and take either the corner or cooperative positions (Figure 157).If, how-ever, he pushes it back, you re in trouble! The golden rule is never to encroach on theother person s territory unless you have been given verbal or non-verbal permission todo so or you will put them offside.The Independent Position (B4)This is the position taken by people when they do not wish to interact with eachother; it occurs in such places as a library, park bench or restaurant.It signifies lack ofinterest and can even be interpreted as hostile by the other person if the territorialboundaries are invaded.This position should be avoided where open discussionbetween A and B is required.SQUARE, ROUND, RECTANGULAR TABLESSquare Table (Formal)As previously mentioned, square tables create a competitive or defensiverelationship between people of equal status.Square tables are ideal for having short,to-the-point conversations or to create a superior/subordinate relationship.The mostco-operation usually comes from the person seated beside you and the one on the righttends to be more co-operative than the one on the left.The most resistance usuallycomes from the person seated directly opposite.Round Table (Informal)King Arthur used the Round Table as an attempt to give each of his knights an equalamount of authority and status.A round table creates an atmosphere of relaxed in-formality and is ideal for promoting discussion among people who are of equal status aseach person can claim the same amount of table territory.Removing the table andsitting in a circle also promotes the same result.Unfortunately, King Arthur was un-aware that if the status of one person is higher than the others in the group it alters thepower and authority of each other individual.The king held the most power at theRound Table and this meant that the knights seated on either side of him werenon-verbally granted the next highest amount of power, the one on his right having alittle more than the one on the left, and the amount of power diminished relative to thedistance that each knight was seated away from the king.Consequently, the knight seated directly across the table from King Arthur was, ineffect, in the competitive-defensive position and was likely to be the one who gave themost trouble.Many of today s business executives use both square and round tables.The square desk, which is usually the work desk, is used for business activity, brief con-versations, reprimands and the like.The round table, often a coffee table with wrap-around seating, is used to create an informal relaxed atmosphere or to persuade.Rectangular TablesOn a rectangular table, position A has always commanded the most influence.In ameeting of people of equal status the person sitting at position A will have the mostinfluence, assuming that he does not have his back to the door.If A s back were facingthe door, the person seated at B would be the most influential and would be strongcompetition for A.Assuming that A was in the best power position, person B has thenext most authority, then C, then D.This information makes it possible to structurepower plays at meetings by placing name badges on the seats where you want eachperson to sit so that you may have the maximum influence over them.The Dining Table at HomeThe choice of the shape of a family dining room table can give a clue to the powerdistribution in that family, assuming that the dining-room could have accommodated atable of any shape and that the table shape was selected after considerable thought. Open families go for round tables, closed families select square tables and authoritative types select rectangular tables.GETTING A DECISION OVER DINNERBearing in mind what has already been said about human territories and the use ofsquare, rectangular and round tables, let us now look at the dynamics of taking a personto dinner where the objective is to obtain a favourable response to a proposition.Let usexamine the factors that can build a positive atmosphere, discuss their origin andpotential and examine the background of man s feeding behaviour.Anthropologists tell us that man s origin was that of a tree-dweller who was strictlyvegetarian, his diet consisting of roots, leaves, berries, fruit and the like [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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