MeetMeInTheMiddle

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.His career andwhat we could have been, they were never compatible.We both knew that.”“But you can’t be someone’s second choice, Dale.”I flinched.“Should he have put his whole life on hold because of a one-nightstand between a couple of high school graduates?”“Not necessarily.But you guys were friends, right?”“Close ones, yeah.”“Okay, and it still sounds like he just walked away.You guys slept together,and then he was gone.And the second time?” He raised his eyebrows.I exhaled hard and rubbed the back of my neck.“We slept together, and thenhe was gone, but he was trying to save his marriage.”Alex didn’t respond.His eyes lost focus, and he chewed his thumbnail.I cocked my head.“What?”He lowered his hand and looked me in the eye.“I may be out of line withthis, and feel free to ignore everything I say, but can I be completely candid?”“Please do.”He took a deep breath.“I think you need to do more than just talk to himand find out what he’s feeling and what he wants.I think you need to tell him what you want and what you need.” He inclined his head slightly, holding mygaze.“Don’t be a doormat, Dale.”I opened my mouth to insist I wasn’t, but hesitated.“Am I being a doormat?”“Not necessarily,” he said.“But you’re talking a lot about what he wants andwhat he needs, not to mention what choices he’s made.What about you? You’re172www.samhainpublishing.comMeet Me in the Middlein this too.I just want to make sure that if your wants and needs don’t line upwith his, you’re willing to walk away rather than compromise yourself.”My heart sank deeper and deeper in my chest.Alex kept his voice soft and gentle as always.“He wanted that career, and hewanted to make his marriage work.I don’t think any of us can blame him forthat.” He paused for a moment, looking in my eyes, and when he spoke again,his voice was quiet.“But none of that changes the fact that you’re the guy he left in the dust both times.You were the backup, the fallback.” He paused.“Youwere his second choice.”I winced.Alex went on.“I don’t know him like you do.I’m only telling you how itlooks from where I’m standing.And from where I’m standing, you were the guyhe went to when he was about to leave for the navy.Then you were the guy hewent to when he thought his marriage was over.And now you’re the guy he’swith when he’s about to retire.Now that the career he always wanted is over.”Alex folded his hands on the table.“It sounds to me like this guy always comesback when his life is in flux.”My stomach twisted itself into an uncomfortable knot.“So you think he justcame to the reunion to find me because he was single now and he didn’t have toworry about the navy anymore?”“Am I wrong?” Alex moistened his lips.“I may be.I’m just telling you how itlooks from the outside.” He paused, drumming his fingers on the back of myhand.“Do you know what his plans are after he retires?”“I don’t think he even knows yet.” I exhaled.“As far as I know, he’ll find anew job.Move to a new city.Start a new life.And I…” Lowering my gaze, Isighed.“God, do you really think I’m a placeholder? Something to tide him overbetween now and when he gets settled into the civilian life?”www.samhainpublishing.com173L.A.Witt“I don’t know,” Alex said.“I can’t read his mind or anything.I’m just tellingyou what it looks like from where I’m sitting.Which is why I think it would bebetter for you to talk to him sooner than later, and to be firm in what you are and are not willing to compromise.”I nodded.“Yeah, you’re probably right.”“And I know you’re afraid of his answer when you bring this up,” he said,his tone soft.“But if the answer you’re afraid of is the one you get, then maybeit’s better to get it now instead of six months or a year down the line.” Hereached across the table and put a hand on my arm.“Because being withsomeone shouldn’t hurt as much as this is obviously hurting you.”I grimaced.“No, it shouldn’t.”“But it does, doesn’t it?”“All the way to the bone.”“And is it worth it?”“Not the way it is right now, no.You’re right, I can’t put myself through this.I know he’s not out, and of course I get that, but I can’t be his secret or his booty call.And as much as I don’t want to think it, I can’t make myself believe he really wants more from me than that.”“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped,” Alex said softly.“Yeah.Me too.”We finished our coffee, and the waitress brought the check by.Alex reachedfor it, but I grabbed it first.“It’s on me.” Grinning halfheartedly, I added, “I’m assuming the impromptutherapy session will just go on my next bill?”Alex laughed.“I can’t bill anyone until I actually graduate, so I guess you’reoff the hook.”“Well, thank God for that.”174www.samhainpublishing.comMeet Me in the MiddleAfter I’d paid, we left the café, and Alex drove me back to my condo.He putthe car in park and let the engine idle.“So, you going to talk to him?”“Yeah.I’ll, um…” I waved a hand.“Wait until it’s not quite so late at night,but yeah, I’ll talk to him.”Alex smiled.“Good luck.”“Thanks.” I leaned across the console and hugged him and then got out ofthe car.I walked into my condo on numb, heavy legs.I went through the motions ofmy evening routine, minus the glass of wine or the hour on the webcam withAdam, and gradually made my way into the bedroom [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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